i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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