think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
