I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
