My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
