Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
