i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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