So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
