I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
