Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
