Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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