I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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