Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
