In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
