Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
