You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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