I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
