honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
