woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
