Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
