Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
