New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
