Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
