I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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