The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He shit in the fireplace
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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