He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
