Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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