Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The uberlube is also flammable
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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