do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
another moral hangover. fuck.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
