the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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