Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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