Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
