there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
