I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
