I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
