He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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