it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
