Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
