Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
