They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
