woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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