I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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