Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
