I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
