Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
