Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
