Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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