dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am available for nakedness
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
