i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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