wrigley field is MILF paradise
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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