I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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