she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
