Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the condom got lost in my hair
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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