tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
